Bunches of Flowers | Thoughts On Spring

Those small, soft, delicious moments of the day's eve, still and quiet. I almost think they were made for listening. To close the eyes and feel the earth sway, to shift; the changing of light to dark. But it is too special a moment to keep from sight, the light of the sun and moon colliding, mingling but for a breath of time in their exchange of reign. These are the things that sit in our bones after the sun's farewell, the lullaby of the earth. 

Spring. Those few young months of the new year that are so fleeting. The sun, in its haste, flies past wishing for summer; the prime of its command.

But, there is a breath. An inhale, before the sting of summer. Of growth, of color, the life returning after death; the metaphor of Christ, the promise to the Christian. It is a time of rejoice, of laughter and dancing in the young light. For planting, not just of seed, but of feet also, I think, in the warm earth. Letting our hearts stretch and grow like the wild flowers reaching toward the sun.

Yet, for me, it is a time of restlessness. A stirring inside of me, to fly, to grow, to be with the flowers and birds and trees. But it is in the moments that I take to be still, to be quiet, to breath; on afternoons watching the sun, or the mornings spent watering the lavender and rosemary. Taking photos in small corners of the house or Bible studies in the dwindling spring light. These are the little things that keep the restlessness at bay, and as the earth returns from winter slumber, I will purpose to be content.

What are the things you most enjoy about spring? 

Senior Portrait Project: The Hidden Storm

Is it considered a portrait if ones face is not actually featured in the photo? Well, I guess I'll include a photo with the face of one caught in the act of creativity, the words, "how long have you been there?" about to grace my lips...

I often imagine what it would be like to jump into my photos and continue the story. To begin within the moment captured, but then to breath in the life of an untold, continuing story. To become the character that often has such an elusive face at the moment the photo is captured. To feel their heart's beat in my veins, the life they live inside my bones, the quests they go on or, perhaps, the simplistic lives I imagine they live. I wish for the poetry of their lives when I am feeling the darkness of this world.

I suppose indeed I do, in a sense, live their lives, but only in the fleeting moment of a camera's shutter. Yet I know that they live somewhere in the corners of my being, in my dreams, even roaming in a nightmare times. And so they do live. And I can only hope to bring a manifestation in photograph, to portray the metaphor of their beings in a solitary form.

Sometimes I do not succeed, and that's okay. Sometimes they never make it to the internet, and that's okay too. Those are hidden in a secret library of abstract thought, but they live, those little misfits. But if, through a photo that does grace my page, a fellow human sees even a hinting reflection of their soul, if they view a hidden storm within them, then I have succeeded.

My strange ending question for the day: do any of you creatives out there turn your heads when viewing your work, shifting it side to side and up and down? I suppose this is a technique better applied to, perhaps, a sculptor of things, rather than a photo- taker, but that did not stop me from using the maneuvers in attempts of maximum viewing capacity.

I wish you all an inspiring week!

I Survived.

Guys. I just deleted my original draft of this post. My gosh, the irritation. I tried very hard not to explode when I conducted a frustrated waltz around the living room, aggressively sipping my tea. Erg...

Well, I'll try to remember what my abstract writings were about.

There were many different difficulties in creating this photo. An ambiguous concept that was hastily written down the night before the shoot, not saying much other than the general pose, then I shot this on a very white background, knowing that I wanted to change that to a black backdrop later in Photoshop. The dress needed to be reconstructed, the blindfold needed major surgery, light sources had to be established (still not sure if that worked) and two photos I used were out of focus... so yeah, editing was just a joy.

But I don't see these things when I look at this image. I see hilarious moments of wrapping my friends head up in a slightly suffocating knot, then vigorously tossing the scarf around as we all giggled... "oh and you have to swing this lantern." I see the joy of having things work and slide into place while editing, after the beginning moments of how on earth am I supposed to do this subsided.

I see an accomplishment.

However, I also see the night of anxiety before the shoot, a struggle in the darkness within myself, the piercing doubt that lurked in my head. Yet despite this, there is a light that I see which is much greater than my fears. Good memories despite the twilight of my thoughts, friendship bound by trust that helped me walk down this obscure path that was this photo adventure, not knowing what I was doing or if the the path would lead anywhere... and this photo, this image that encapsulates such a strong juxtaposition that I have felt inside myself lately.

I hope to do more of these photo shoots. Honestly, this was one of the most rewarding shoots I have done. It was something really different for me, something that I wanted to do because I knew I had to. I knew that I needed to get over the fear of collaboration, the fear of the unknown that I struggle with so often, the poison of what I think a failure would be. I knew I needed to push myself. And... I made it.

Perhaps that is the greatest victory I find in this photo. I survived.

 

We all have our fears that blind us. But will you choose to follow the light?

Senior Portrait Project: Take Me Away.

I have been staring at a computer for too long today. Website research (?!), attempts at writing, editing photos. I can feel the restlessness creep into my being. A need to get up and do something. Irritation at everything is crawling just under my skin.  Yet here I am, trying to write a blog post that has been sitting in my draft box for days...

So here we go. Lord of The Rings music, beverage in hand, wonderful sunlight streaming through the window on this springish day. I can do this.

 I decided to do something a little different for my senior portrait project that I have started. Rather than creating ambiguous characters to be a part of a story or convey a point, I would create how I actually see myself at this age. And so this photo was created to begin that journey. A simple portrait, crafted from how I feel when I get lost in a book, when I forget that I'm reading printed ink on paper, and just let my heart fly away between the pages.

I also see in this photo (and maybe I am the only strange person who sees it) a beginning of adventures, and that is exactly how I feel as this stage in my life is ending and a new one approaches. I know where I am now and I know the One who sees my path clearly, always encouraging me to go on, always knowing exactly what's ahead of me.

And that's all I really need.

 More to come of this fanciful world I live in. Now excuse me as I go detox from technology.

If you could live between the pages of any book, which one would you choose?

Proverbs 16:3

Commit your works to the Lord,
And your thoughts will be established.

From Sketch to Photo

I decided, very much on a whim, that I would do a little behind the scenes post with this photo, all the way from conceptual "sketch" (a horrible rendition of that word) to final image. I have always enjoyed looking at these "revealing of secrets" posts with any form of production whether it be films, paintings, musicals, or heavily edited photos... almost to the extent of liking them more than the final productions. I suppose this could be because I have such a connection to the experiences of things, the journey involved with any great conquering.

So, the beginning. I start the creation of my photos with my beloved idea book and a pencil, scribbling down the things from my inner world, sometimes feeling as if I'm bleeding myself onto the paper. These crazy ideas are usually accompanied by a terrible attempt at a sketch (of which I'm not sure you can clearly see in the photo above.... which I'm totally okay with) and a little description that is more of a reference point for me as I set out to create each photo than it is any sort of help to a model. Often times the photo is slightly or completely different from the sketch anyways. The sketch on the right is the start of the idea for the final image.
 Also pictured is all the other things that are obvious essentials in the creations process, as in my glorious cup of peppermint tea that is currently fogging up my new glasses as I write this (my gosh I had no idea the struggle was so real) and a candle burning at all times, this specific one smells of pine... However I burned it so relentlessly when I devoured the Lord of the Rings books last year, that now every time I smell it I am reminded of places I have never been and I honestly think it will become a family heirloom... it will not surprise me if I chase my kids around screaming CHILDREN, YOU MUST COME AND SMELL THE PRANCING PONY AND GONDOR!
  It is...precious to me, and I will not burn it anymore because I can not allow the smell of middle earth to leave me.

Okay, back to the photo.

Every image I create needs a base photo and this was the image I built from to get to the final creation, adding two other images to make a square frame at the end. Not sure why I have started deeming it the base photo, but really once you add tons of layers on top of one image in Photoshop, it does become the base of the photo. The start of the editing journey.

Derp faced dress fluffer at work. Also, my friend here was a trooper, dealing with my attempts at communication, laughing with me as I maneuvered the self timer (a strange acrobatic experience), struggled through the nature, and at one point agreeing to have her head rapped in a scarf while "levitating." We'll see if that photo ever gets to the blog here, but it is still in the works at the moment. I was quite excited and nervous to work with someone besides myself or my sister as a character in a fine art portrait. But if I could trust anyone to go along with my ideas, to allow me to be clueless if it would actually work or not, to join me on an adventure in my world, it would definitely be her.

Believe it or not, this was the photo I used for the flowing hair. Lots and lots of shifting and stretching happened in post processing. And yes she is in a different dress... I was horribly indecisive. Also, if you need a hair flipper who can sometimes nail the timing with the camera timer, call me.

And so, the final image. The end of the creation journey.  I think the thing that most excites me about this image is that actually worked. I tried something new, had no idea if it would work, and in the end, my imagination was made into something tangible, and that is the greatest goal I can ever achieve with the photos I create.
There are so many things I see in this image, but for now, I will let you read what you will in it's story, for I am already lost in it's many pages.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths

Proverbs 3:5-6

Success In The Process

This image has been such a big frustration in my life for the past month that if the process of editing a photo could be compared to sculpting a rock, then with every chip and curve I tried to make against this hard stone, it just did not bend to my will.

It took me nineteen clicks of the save button to get this final image and this is my ninth attempt to write a blog post to go along with it.

I must say that there were times that I just wanted to throw this rock out the window. My sanity can only be attributed to the many cups of tea that got me through to the end.

With all this resentment, the temptation was very strong not share this photo, but I decided to post it anyway because it is actually quite special to me, even with it not being my best work and all the frustrations that surround it. I won't call this a failure, contrary to my first opinion of it, because I actually think it looks alright, but not great (*note* I am staring at this sentence and it does not sound grammatically correct to me at the moment, perhaps I have been staring at a screen too much, but I have tried to write this post for too long so I'm just going to keep going).

I am determined to view this photo as a success because that which was completely irritating turned into an experience that I certainly benefited from. I know that I will look back on this photo with satisfaction because I worked through it and created something that is an extension of my imagination.

Something that I must often remind my self of, and something that I have been thinking about as I look at this image, is that failures can become something we learn from, experiences we can appreciate because they pushed us forward, and I am learning that failures, even when it is accompanied by frustration, are certainly something that I should not fear and with it comes the gift of humility if you accept it.

Let your failures live, not to tear you down, but to encourage you to keep trying. They are, after all, our greatest lessons.

And never ever give up. 

Christmas Time Is Here

  Hello December!

Yes guys, we have made it to this wonderful time of year. Festive happiness and music echos throughout my decked out halls and oh the Christmas tree glows with lights around its lovely branches. The nights are silent and holy indeed, as we celebrate the coming of Emmanuel, God with us, on that first noel. Like the night of our dear Saviors birth in the little town of Bethlehem, silent stars go by as the nights deepen in length and wintry chill.

Or maybe that's just Jack Frost nipping at my nose.

But even as it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, I do not see a white Christmas yet to come, considering that past Christmases have only been frightful at times, but never snowy, just like it is every year. Except for that freak winter in 1999... Yet I will still gather all ye faithful and sing hearty carols of let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...please? I'll let you know if we are joyful and triumphant, but I still doubt that folks will dress up like Eskimos this year, bah humbug. 

Well, that was fun. 

As I write this rather festive post, and Vince Guaraldi's A Charlie Brown Christmas is softly filling me with festive cheer, I look outside and wonder what it would be like to see snow gently release from dense clouds to glide through chilled air and blanket a town in white. There has always been a very early childhood image that comes to my mind when I think of Christmas and winter: a lane stretching long and far filled with cozy Christmas shops and lights strung from shop to shop, illuminating the streets in dappled pools of festive light, and everything is covered in snow.

But this is not to be in my town. I guess I can't miss what I have not experienced, but really, wishing for a fantasy and receiving a reality instead can induce a similar emotion of longing, even if that longing is just a thought of what could be. This only means that my winter wonderland is special in it's own way. Family traditions of Christmas movies with a log on the fire, caroling out in the, uh, maybe cold weather with close friends, church productions, listening to Christmas music non stop, tea and coffee, and lots of candles. All will be merry and bright no matter what the weather is outside, for it is what's on the inside that counts. 

This unfulfilled idea does not damper my spirit in the least, but has propelled my desire to create that which I have only dreamed into a reality, to let my imagination pour into something tangible, even if it is simply adding snow to an image. So, in the middle of June this year, I looked at this image in a new light and brought this fanciful thought of snow in my little town of Bakersfield to life. Yet with this idea brought to life, it can never replace the special Christmas that I have.

Merry Christmas everybody!