The Passing of Spring | A Veiw of The Future

And just like that, spring was gone. 

The cycle, the new life, the breath, the sun, it is all coming to it's prime; summer. The time of break, of rest, at least for some of us with school, and some, I included, have finished the schooling of our childhood and now look toward the world unknown. The season of change is upon us. We have graduated.

But there is now this middle ground, an inhale before the plunge into that tide sweeping us away to the oceans of the world. Some know exactly where the current is taking them, others do not, *raises hand*. Some will float to colleges, some to other countries, some straight into a profession, and others will simply drift until they hit land, wherever that might be. But the thing that binds us together is that we are chasing a dream, a new life, a strive to find our path in this world, to fulfill God's will for our lives.

I will admit that the concept of life after high school has always been a mystery to me. And quite frankly, it still is. The ground right in front of my feet; that blank, bare, and ardently small space that my silhouette will cast it's shadow upon soon enough, is the space that is illuminated by my knowledge of where I am going down this road, by my knowledge of where God is taking me. It is not a nicely paved road like it seems others are, nor is it desolate and barren; it is my path, and I know where I'll soon be in that near future, and I know not what will happen beyond.

I am learning to be okay with that.

To be content with the unknown, that blurring together of what could be, would be, will be. And sometimes we feel the pull of it, that anxiety that holds us to the ground, a suffocation it is; but we really just want to let go and sore up to the clouds, chasing those dreams that we throw up to heaven and watch as they form in constellations or clouds born on a western wind of thought. Sometimes we sink, down into the deep where the waters turn black and you can't tell which way is up; and so we drown out the possibilities, the could be's, the what if's, and turn to what we think is best rather than what could be.

And so I have created an image of how it feels to look into a future unsure, of that time that we see nothing, just the dark water that drags us deep down into doubt. It is a reminder, a memento to what one may feel at times, but a reminder I will choose it to be, for it is an image I strive to move on from, to look behind at, and to accept.

And I hope the same for you my friends.

Senior Portrait Project: The Hidden Storm

Is it considered a portrait if ones face is not actually featured in the photo? Well, I guess I'll include a photo with the face of one caught in the act of creativity, the words, "how long have you been there?" about to grace my lips...

I often imagine what it would be like to jump into my photos and continue the story. To begin within the moment captured, but then to breath in the life of an untold, continuing story. To become the character that often has such an elusive face at the moment the photo is captured. To feel their heart's beat in my veins, the life they live inside my bones, the quests they go on or, perhaps, the simplistic lives I imagine they live. I wish for the poetry of their lives when I am feeling the darkness of this world.

I suppose indeed I do, in a sense, live their lives, but only in the fleeting moment of a camera's shutter. Yet I know that they live somewhere in the corners of my being, in my dreams, even roaming in a nightmare times. And so they do live. And I can only hope to bring a manifestation in photograph, to portray the metaphor of their beings in a solitary form.

Sometimes I do not succeed, and that's okay. Sometimes they never make it to the internet, and that's okay too. Those are hidden in a secret library of abstract thought, but they live, those little misfits. But if, through a photo that does grace my page, a fellow human sees even a hinting reflection of their soul, if they view a hidden storm within them, then I have succeeded.

My strange ending question for the day: do any of you creatives out there turn your heads when viewing your work, shifting it side to side and up and down? I suppose this is a technique better applied to, perhaps, a sculptor of things, rather than a photo- taker, but that did not stop me from using the maneuvers in attempts of maximum viewing capacity.

I wish you all an inspiring week!

I Survived.

Guys. I just deleted my original draft of this post. My gosh, the irritation. I tried very hard not to explode when I conducted a frustrated waltz around the living room, aggressively sipping my tea. Erg...

Well, I'll try to remember what my abstract writings were about.

There were many different difficulties in creating this photo. An ambiguous concept that was hastily written down the night before the shoot, not saying much other than the general pose, then I shot this on a very white background, knowing that I wanted to change that to a black backdrop later in Photoshop. The dress needed to be reconstructed, the blindfold needed major surgery, light sources had to be established (still not sure if that worked) and two photos I used were out of focus... so yeah, editing was just a joy.

But I don't see these things when I look at this image. I see hilarious moments of wrapping my friends head up in a slightly suffocating knot, then vigorously tossing the scarf around as we all giggled... "oh and you have to swing this lantern." I see the joy of having things work and slide into place while editing, after the beginning moments of how on earth am I supposed to do this subsided.

I see an accomplishment.

However, I also see the night of anxiety before the shoot, a struggle in the darkness within myself, the piercing doubt that lurked in my head. Yet despite this, there is a light that I see which is much greater than my fears. Good memories despite the twilight of my thoughts, friendship bound by trust that helped me walk down this obscure path that was this photo adventure, not knowing what I was doing or if the the path would lead anywhere... and this photo, this image that encapsulates such a strong juxtaposition that I have felt inside myself lately.

I hope to do more of these photo shoots. Honestly, this was one of the most rewarding shoots I have done. It was something really different for me, something that I wanted to do because I knew I had to. I knew that I needed to get over the fear of collaboration, the fear of the unknown that I struggle with so often, the poison of what I think a failure would be. I knew I needed to push myself. And... I made it.

Perhaps that is the greatest victory I find in this photo. I survived.

 

We all have our fears that blind us. But will you choose to follow the light?

Senior Portrait Project: Take Me Away.

I have been staring at a computer for too long today. Website research (?!), attempts at writing, editing photos. I can feel the restlessness creep into my being. A need to get up and do something. Irritation at everything is crawling just under my skin.  Yet here I am, trying to write a blog post that has been sitting in my draft box for days...

So here we go. Lord of The Rings music, beverage in hand, wonderful sunlight streaming through the window on this springish day. I can do this.

 I decided to do something a little different for my senior portrait project that I have started. Rather than creating ambiguous characters to be a part of a story or convey a point, I would create how I actually see myself at this age. And so this photo was created to begin that journey. A simple portrait, crafted from how I feel when I get lost in a book, when I forget that I'm reading printed ink on paper, and just let my heart fly away between the pages.

I also see in this photo (and maybe I am the only strange person who sees it) a beginning of adventures, and that is exactly how I feel as this stage in my life is ending and a new one approaches. I know where I am now and I know the One who sees my path clearly, always encouraging me to go on, always knowing exactly what's ahead of me.

And that's all I really need.

 More to come of this fanciful world I live in. Now excuse me as I go detox from technology.

If you could live between the pages of any book, which one would you choose?

Proverbs 16:3

Commit your works to the Lord,
And your thoughts will be established.

From Sketch to Photo

I decided, very much on a whim, that I would do a little behind the scenes post with this photo, all the way from conceptual "sketch" (a horrible rendition of that word) to final image. I have always enjoyed looking at these "revealing of secrets" posts with any form of production whether it be films, paintings, musicals, or heavily edited photos... almost to the extent of liking them more than the final productions. I suppose this could be because I have such a connection to the experiences of things, the journey involved with any great conquering.

So, the beginning. I start the creation of my photos with my beloved idea book and a pencil, scribbling down the things from my inner world, sometimes feeling as if I'm bleeding myself onto the paper. These crazy ideas are usually accompanied by a terrible attempt at a sketch (of which I'm not sure you can clearly see in the photo above.... which I'm totally okay with) and a little description that is more of a reference point for me as I set out to create each photo than it is any sort of help to a model. Often times the photo is slightly or completely different from the sketch anyways. The sketch on the right is the start of the idea for the final image.
 Also pictured is all the other things that are obvious essentials in the creations process, as in my glorious cup of peppermint tea that is currently fogging up my new glasses as I write this (my gosh I had no idea the struggle was so real) and a candle burning at all times, this specific one smells of pine... However I burned it so relentlessly when I devoured the Lord of the Rings books last year, that now every time I smell it I am reminded of places I have never been and I honestly think it will become a family heirloom... it will not surprise me if I chase my kids around screaming CHILDREN, YOU MUST COME AND SMELL THE PRANCING PONY AND GONDOR!
  It is...precious to me, and I will not burn it anymore because I can not allow the smell of middle earth to leave me.

Okay, back to the photo.

Every image I create needs a base photo and this was the image I built from to get to the final creation, adding two other images to make a square frame at the end. Not sure why I have started deeming it the base photo, but really once you add tons of layers on top of one image in Photoshop, it does become the base of the photo. The start of the editing journey.

Derp faced dress fluffer at work. Also, my friend here was a trooper, dealing with my attempts at communication, laughing with me as I maneuvered the self timer (a strange acrobatic experience), struggled through the nature, and at one point agreeing to have her head rapped in a scarf while "levitating." We'll see if that photo ever gets to the blog here, but it is still in the works at the moment. I was quite excited and nervous to work with someone besides myself or my sister as a character in a fine art portrait. But if I could trust anyone to go along with my ideas, to allow me to be clueless if it would actually work or not, to join me on an adventure in my world, it would definitely be her.

Believe it or not, this was the photo I used for the flowing hair. Lots and lots of shifting and stretching happened in post processing. And yes she is in a different dress... I was horribly indecisive. Also, if you need a hair flipper who can sometimes nail the timing with the camera timer, call me.

And so, the final image. The end of the creation journey.  I think the thing that most excites me about this image is that actually worked. I tried something new, had no idea if it would work, and in the end, my imagination was made into something tangible, and that is the greatest goal I can ever achieve with the photos I create.
There are so many things I see in this image, but for now, I will let you read what you will in it's story, for I am already lost in it's many pages.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths

Proverbs 3:5-6