I Survived.

Guys. I just deleted my original draft of this post. My gosh, the irritation. I tried very hard not to explode when I conducted a frustrated waltz around the living room, aggressively sipping my tea. Erg...

Well, I'll try to remember what my abstract writings were about.

There were many different difficulties in creating this photo. An ambiguous concept that was hastily written down the night before the shoot, not saying much other than the general pose, then I shot this on a very white background, knowing that I wanted to change that to a black backdrop later in Photoshop. The dress needed to be reconstructed, the blindfold needed major surgery, light sources had to be established (still not sure if that worked) and two photos I used were out of focus... so yeah, editing was just a joy.

But I don't see these things when I look at this image. I see hilarious moments of wrapping my friends head up in a slightly suffocating knot, then vigorously tossing the scarf around as we all giggled... "oh and you have to swing this lantern." I see the joy of having things work and slide into place while editing, after the beginning moments of how on earth am I supposed to do this subsided.

I see an accomplishment.

However, I also see the night of anxiety before the shoot, a struggle in the darkness within myself, the piercing doubt that lurked in my head. Yet despite this, there is a light that I see which is much greater than my fears. Good memories despite the twilight of my thoughts, friendship bound by trust that helped me walk down this obscure path that was this photo adventure, not knowing what I was doing or if the the path would lead anywhere... and this photo, this image that encapsulates such a strong juxtaposition that I have felt inside myself lately.

I hope to do more of these photo shoots. Honestly, this was one of the most rewarding shoots I have done. It was something really different for me, something that I wanted to do because I knew I had to. I knew that I needed to get over the fear of collaboration, the fear of the unknown that I struggle with so often, the poison of what I think a failure would be. I knew I needed to push myself. And... I made it.

Perhaps that is the greatest victory I find in this photo. I survived.

 

We all have our fears that blind us. But will you choose to follow the light?